Longest. Date. Ever.
Let me tell you about the longest date I have ever been on. I was sitting in a meeting hall when I heard him walk in. He had this laugh that caused the corners of my mouth to instantly turn upwards and there was a joy that covered me. I hadn’t even seen him and he had this affect on me. When I saw him, honestly, my first thought was, “nice butt”. He sat down catty-cornered from me and his smile, wow! There was a group of us there and we all just talked and laughed. And that moment began the longest date ever.
We became friends and liked hanging out with our mutual friends. I would go to his home and spend time talking with him and playing with his three daughters. We talked a lot. Sometimes we would go months and months without speaking to each other. Not out of anger or anything bad. Life simply was busy for both of us. We even dated other people during our long date. When life would hand us a curve ball or tragedy, it was each other that we always reached out to first. He would call me and vent for hours. I would show up at his house in tears. He would hug and comfort me. He would make me laugh…a lot.
I would go pick up the girls so he could have some alone time. I would take them to my house or church. He was a single father working and taking care of three girls. He appreciated the time I spent with them. One time he took me to Centennial Park and pushed me on the swings. There was the time we went searching for ping pong balls and ran up the down escalator at J.C. Penney. But we never went on what most would call a date. We were never trying to impress each other like we tend to do on those short dates. We were simply ourselves. We could be goofy, serious, sarcastic, cynical, and brutally honest. We laughed, danced, jumped out of swing sets, colored, cooked, and did life together; yet separately.
A few years into the longest date ever, our friends started making weird statements to us. Asking when we were just gonna get “it” over with, when were we going to see what we had, and other more personal questions. This seemed weird to us because we honestly were just the best of friends and we did not look at each other in any other way. For now. One night, I had been over at his house and it was time to leave. He walked me to the car despite the fact that is was raining. I had my window down to say ‘goodbye’ and ‘thank you’. In a split second, he leaned in through the window, and gave me the sweetest kiss I have ever had. After years of failed relationships and broken friendships, we had bumped into a guardrail that we had subconsciously put up.
In that moment, I knew that I had feelings for him that I had failed to see. I knew that I could not kiss him again. I knew that his friendship was far too important and special to risk it for a temporary moment of pleasure. Years later he would tell me that he knew and felt the exact same way that night.
We continued our friendship and never crossed that line. We never discussed it, we both just knew how important we were to each other. So, we continued the longest date ever. We came to know each other’s pasts, our hopes and dreams, our pet-peeves, and fears. We knew our deepest, darkest secrets and our proudest moments. This date had now lasted six years.
Then it happened one November evening. I was at his house watching a movie. He and I were on the couch with the three girls on the floor in front of us. Halfway through the movie, his oldest daughter looked up at us and asked, “Why don’t you two get married?” True to his nature, he looked at me and said, “Y’unt to?” Looking into those sparkly, honey-brown eyes, I said, “Sure”. I know it is not the over-the-top, romantic proposals you read about, but it was the wonderful beginning of a new chapter of the longest date ever. There we sat, a family in the making for six wonderful years. We were married a month later.
Fast forward fifteen years and we are still enjoying the longest date ever. About a month ago, Mark and I were sitting outside enjoying time alone together. We were discussing how are date started and those six years. He asked me if I thought we would have made it this far if we had not had those six years. Would we be as strong as we are if not for those years. I tried to answer and I hoped the answer would be ‘yes’, but honestly, I didn’t know. Then he proceeded to explain to me why we needed and are better because of those years. The following is a paraphrase of his explanation.
I am absolutely certain that we would not be the same without that time. See, those years we spent building an intimacy that many never find. We had deep emotional intimacy without physical intimacy. We built such an intimacy emotionally, while too many are sexually intimate with no emotion to sustain it. There was sexual tension in those later years, but that was not our relationship. True intimacy is not in the bedroom. We didn’t put on any masks or try to hide our imperfections. We were not in daily or weekly contact with each other for long periods of time, thus making our short times together important. We didn’t waste them talking about weather or other daily life topics. We used that time to intimately know each other’s hearts, minds, and souls. We built such a deep trust and respect for each other with no goal in mind except to be there for each other. We had seen each other at our worst and best, but not in a normal dating relationship. We didn’t look at this as dating and so there was no possible end in our minds. We knew we would always be friends. It almost grew to the point where you knew me better than I knew me and I knew you better than you knew you. We knew we could come to each other with anything. That was the intimacy that we built. There was no fear of disappointing each other or angering each other with our stuff. We needed someone to puke to and walk away knowing all was fine. When we needed each other, we were there. And we grew to need each other more than we realized.
I let his words resonate in my mind and heart. Honestly, no sweeter, more meaningful words have been said to me besides his vows. He gets me. No man will ever love me the way Mark loves me. Mark broke down walls I didn’t know I had. He set free passions and dreams I had let die. With me he doesn’t always have to be the strong one. He learned how to be loved and needed. He rescued me and I rescued him right back. Gotta go…it’s date time. Mark 10:9 “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
