It is hard to lose something or someone that you love with all of your heart.  Sometimes the loss stays with us a lifetime and other losses we recover from quite quickly.   I lost my grandmother over 14 years ago, but it seems like yesterday that I was at her Memorial Service.  She so impacted my life that her voice is in my head, her love is in my heart and all that she taught me is a part of my everyday life.

Phil 3:8 “What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.“ (NIV)  I used to have a hard time with this verse.  How could everything in my life be rubbish?  How could I consider the amazing love of my grandparents, the blessing of my four daughters, jobs I have loved and friends who have stood by me through it all as rubbish?

Maybe compared to other things of this earth those losses would not be rubbish.  But, when compared to the saving knowledge of Jesus, compared to eternal salvation, capered to eternity in Heaven singing Holy, Holy, Holy they are definitely rubbish.

I lost my job a few months ago.  A job that was really a ministry that I loved.  I had worked there for over 5 years and was dedicated to serving God in this capacity.  I was defined by my job.  Not so much by the title that I had, but by the responsibilities I had to a group of people.  It was a 24/7 job and I loved it.  I loved my boss and those that I worked directly with.  It was a joy to go to work.  One day it was just gone.

It’s been almost three months now and I can finally come to a place of counting that job as rubbish.  What I did to serve God wasn’t in vain, it wasn’t for nothing, it had a purpose.  Friendships were made that no time can tear apart, lessons were learned that transformed me and a love of God was shared that has made me more spiritually fit.

I mourned the loss of this job as I struggled to find God’s will for my life.  I woke up every morning wondering what I was supposed to do and who I was.  If I didn’t have that job and if I wasn’t the Executive Secretary then what and who am I?  I had worked at a paying (monetary) job since I was 14.  Before that I worked on my grandparents farm.  I had never been a stay-at-home mom and frankly, I didn’t know how to be one.

John 1:16 “From the fullness of his grace we have all received one blessing after another.” (NIV)  It is not my job to understand God’s will, I am not skilled enough to know such things.  It is my responsibility to accept where He has me at this moment and rejoice in it.  There is not a doubt in my mind that I have missed many blessings over the past three months.  I have been so busy looking back, that I have failed to see what is right in front of me.

Losing that job has turned into a blessing beyond description.  I get to spend everyday with Livvy, my miracle child.  My beautiful, 3-year old daughter loves that Mommy is home with her everyday.  I get to have praise and worship time with her anytime I want.  I get to do arts and crafts, make messes in the kitchen baking cookies.  I get to take naps with her.  I get to take her to the library every Friday with a great friend.  A friend I would not be so close to if I was still working.  The freedom to be simply a child-of-God, a wife and mother is such a blessing.

I lost Staff Meetings and gained blowing bubbles, lost Quick Books for library books, lost designing a website for finger paints and lots of glue.  I lost a position and title to find myself on my knees as the Princess Daughter of the Most High God.

We lost my income and our health insurance when I lost my job.  God has abundantly provided for us financially, physically and spiritually.  Psalm 37:3 “Trust in the LORD, and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. 4 Delight yourself also in the LORD, And He shall give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD, Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass.”

As I sit her writing this, Are God Reigns is playing in the background, Livvy is dancing to the music and my heart is overflowing with joy.  I love to write and being at home has afforded me quite a bit of time to write.  The time is always interrupted with, “Mommy, I need a drink”, “Mommy, I got a boo boo.” and a million other  things, but I wouldn’t trade it for any Executive position.  I finally have time to write the book that has been in my head and heart for years.  And if God wants me to make money from the writing, then so-be-it.  If He doesn’t, then I still know I am being obedient to Him, glorifying Him and being the best Mommy I can be.

I will take losing a job, a car, a home and even loved ones over the loss of grace, faithfulness and salvation from my loving Father.  The things of this earth are temporary, very temporary.  I am blessed to know that I get to spend eternity with Christ.  Everything else is rubbish.