How many times have you asked another, “What can I do to help?” or  “What can I do to make you feel better?”.   Maybe a friend is struggling in some area of life.  Maybe a family is struggling financially.  Maybe you hurt someone and are trying to figure out how to ‘fix’ it.  We have all asked these questions and similar ones.  I know I have.

Often, when we ask such questions, the reply is, “Nothing”, “We are fine” or “I will be okay”.  People say there is nothing we can do perhaps due to pride, not sure what it is they need or don’t want to impose on others.  Think of the times someone has asked you what they could do to help.  What was your reply?  There are other times we don’t answer with what we would like the others to do, because their question doesn’t really imply that they want to help.

In the movie, The Breakup, Jennifer Aniston is wanting Vince Vaughn to help with the dishes.  After a short argument he says, “Fine, I will help with the dishes”.  But what Jennifer replies with is, “I want you to want to do the dishes”.  And Vince, like most people, wonders why he would want to do the dishes.  Their argument really isn’t about doing the dishes.  She wants him to want to do something helpful.  She wants him to show appreciation for the meal she cook by doing the dishes.  She wants him to want to please her deep down in his heart.  So, not only are the dishes not important to him, her feelings and ultimately she is not important enough.

When we ask, “What can I do?”, we are not saying, “I am willing and want to help”.  “Can” comes out more like a ‘must’ than a true desire to help.  More often than not, we know exactly what would help, but asking sorta gets us off the hook.  Why? Because most are afraid to feel like a burden and if you truly wanted to help, it would come from your heart and you would just do it.

When you see someone in need, ask yourself, “What am I willing to do to help their situation?”.  Search your heart even before you ask or act.  If you are not willing, if you do not really want to help, then don’t ask.  For example let’s say there is a family you know that is struggling financially, have children to feed, and a lot of stress.  Don’t ask them what you can do; do something!  Drop off some groceries, mail them a card with a gift card, pray for them, go mow their yard, take their kids to the park, do something.

When you have hurt someone, ask yourself, “What am I willing to do to make this right, to ease their pain?”.  What kind of compensation is needed to make this right?  If you aren’t willing to do whatever it takes, then don’t ask and don’t act.  You may just make the situation worse.  Maybe you borrowed money and have been negligent in paying it back thinking they will forget or they don’t really need it.  Apologize for your behavior and set in motion a plan to pay the money back and stick to the plan.  If you have hurt someone emotionally, then what are you willing to do to regain their trust and respect?  Do you need to find a new job that will put you at home more, do you need to end unhealthy relationships, or do you need to start putting the other person first on your priority list?  What extent are you willing to go to for your loved one?  If you aren’t willing to do whatever to rebuild the relationship, then end it.  Don’t prolong their pain and settle into an unhealthy but convenient arrangement..

While pondering over the difference between can and want and willing, I began thinking about Jesus. Today is Palm Sunday, the final week of Jesus’ life.  What would have happened if He had taken a “What Can I Do?” attitude instead of the “I Am Willing and I Want To” stance that He did.  I am sure Jesus could have overthrown the Roman empire and government had He wanted to.  That is basically what the people were wanting Him to do.  No one person in all of history ever asked Jesus to die for their sins.  No one asked Him to be beaten and die a horrible crucifixion.  While hanging on the cross, I am sure had Jesus called out, a league of Angels could have saved Him.   So, why did He allow Himself to be crucified?  Because He WANTED to!  He NEEDED to!  We NEEDED Him to.  Jesus was not only WILLING to die for me, but He WANTED to and He DID!  Why?  Because He loved me.  God loved me.  He knew what I needed even when I didn’t.  He saw my hurt, my heartache and how lost I was even before I was born and out of a heart of love He did everything He could to save me, to heal me, to help me.

Don’t ask what you CAN do, reveal what you are WILLING to do and what your heart WANTS to do for others.